Nobody is perfect, and when we choose to love someone, we agree to stick with them no matter what. Through the ups and downs. Every couple has challenges but how do you tell the difference between normal, healthy disagreements and red flags?
Here are some examples of a few red flags you should NEVER ignore in your relationship:
1. Controlling Behaviour
Does he manipulate you or try to isolate you from your loved ones and make you believe he is the only one who knows what’s best for you despite your gut instinct? Anyone who truly loves you will embrace who you are and those around you as part of the package. If you feel you need to change yourself and what you do, to make someone be with you, then chances are they aren’t the right person for you.
This is never okay. Period.
Whether big lies or consistent little white lies, anyone who constantly “adjusts reality” or has inconsistencies in the things they talk about is someone to stay clear of. Besides the fact that it will eventually give you trust issues, you never really know who you are dealing with and what to believe.
4. Not knowing where he lives
I’m not saying he’s married but seriously, if you’ve never been to his house before, that is usually a pretty big sign that your boo is a boo to someone else. It’s important to not only know if he’s really single, but it also gives you a good idea about what his home situation is. If your bae is the bread winner and is taking care of his extended family and they all live with him, you can be pretty sure that’s going to be the situation too if you get married. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s something you need to be sure you’re on board with from the beginning.
5. Not knowing any of his friends, relatives or colleagues
Anybody who is as crazy about you as they say would love to introduce you to his people, if for no other reason than to see how you gel with the people he cares about. But if you've been with him for a while and don't know any of his friends or family that's not promising.. I don't wanna say that he's married but...well...
6. Fighting dirty whenever you disagree
Healthy couples are bound to argue at some point in the relationship, but it’s important to pay attention to the way your partner behaves during these times. Does he hold a grudge, become emotionally abusive and berate you? Does he refuse to take any responsibility even when he’s completely in the wrong? Do you find yourself having to apologise even when he’s done something wrong? Yea, that’s not a good sign. Emotional abuse is a tricky one and tends to creep up slowly as we make more excuses for it. If he uses the most painful things in your life as ammunition in your arguments no matter what you are arguing about, this is not something to take lightly and you should be wary of someone like that.
7. Physical abuse
There is no form of abuse that can ever be justified and this one is a big one! Regardless of what the situation is, physical abuse is never okay and is a huge red flag. No amount of money and material possessions could ever make it worth it. Any man who gets physical with you in whatever big or small ways should be someone you need to stay away from. With gender based violence on the rise, this is a problem that can never be excused or justified. Any violent tendencies within a relationship should be taken extremely seriously and walked away from.
8. Assuming marriage will fix all these problems
So many people view marriage as a magic wand that makes all the issues with your partner disappear. I can assure you that not only will the problems not disappear, but they’ll become magnified 100 times over!
Ultimately, everyone has different definitions of what they believe is a deal breaker and the most important question to ask yourself is whether you can live with that particular issue for the rest of your life. “‘Till death do us part” is a very long time, taking time and being honest with yourself can save you a lifetime of heartache.