It happens to all of us. You start off head over heels in love and floating on cloud nine constantly. Every waking moment is spent thinking about how amazing your partner is and how you can't wait to be with them again. Fast forward a few years, you've been through a lot together, had a couple of kids and fallen into a comfortable routine. Your life is great, but sometimes you miss the passion and intimacy your relationship used to have before work, kids and life got in the way. Relationships take a lot of work and emotional intimacy is just as important as everything else on your to do list. Here are a few things you can do today to get that spark going again:
Say thank you
Sometimes taking time to appreciate your partner can do so much for your relationship. Taking time to say thank you reminds us not to take our partners for granted. When I gave birth to my son, we made it a point to thank each other whenever one of us would take the baby to give the other a chance to rest. It made a huge difference in reducing my post baby bitterness (that one is a whole other story!)
"I love you because.."
I'm sure we all make an effort to say I love you as often as we can, but do we ever get around to telling them why? Next time you want to tell your partner you love him, try saying "I love you because..." It makes such a difference! Firstly, because you know for sure you aren't saying empty words because you have to think before you say it, and secondly because it helps you remember some of the reasons you went ga-ga over him in the first place!
There's nothing like a slow, romantic dance with your bodies pressed together swinging in motion to get all the tingles going again! It's just the 2 of you, no distractions, your ear pressed against his chest as he holds you tight. It's a lovely way to get some time together and you take time to just be.
Take a walk together
My friend Michelle once told me that when she and her husband had a big argument, they would take a walk to work it out. It allowed them time to speak freely without their kids and gave them time to both express their points of view. She said they wouldn't go home and would keep walking until they worked it out. It's a beautiful way to iron out your issues, while getting some fresh air and exercise too!
Have an honest evaluation about your sex life
Yes, sometimes it can be awkward, but being honest and clear about what's lacking is important. Your partner is not a mind reader and you need to tell him what you feel you need. Be open to hearing his point of you as well, there could be some changes you need to make as well. It does take two to tango after-all!
And I don't mean the hello and goodbye pecks. I'm talking about a full on make out session like 2 crazy high schoolers behind a tree. It's something we tend to take for granted but it's important. It's a great way to kickstart the butterflies in your tummy again.
Sometimes, going on dates often isn't practical. Whether it's because of kids, your finances or a global pandemic (we see you Corona). Make moments with your partner at home. One of my favourites is looking for a completely new recipe online and trying to make it together. You have to be deliberate about spending time together and not just being in the same space going through the motions. Dating your spouse is something that you have work on daily.
This is a classic! Sometimes all you need is some good old fashioned spooning! Taking the time to be held and cuddled can do wonders. It makes us feel safe, close and most of all, loved.
This is a gem I learnt from my amazing mother-in-law. You are never too old to hold hands. Walking hand in hand makes you feel valued and cherished. It's a cute and easy thing to do that we often forget is important.
Investing in your relationship means getting up and choosing your partner everyday. It takes a lot of hard work but the reward is worth every minute of it.