Updated: Sep 16
Being a newlywed, change can sometimes seem like the order of the day. We have discussed in part 1 and 2 things like the enhanced you, and enhanced him. The new roles, relationships, career responsibilities, and lifestyle. To wrap up the series, let’s talk, home, finances and dressing!
So now you are married….FREEDOM, here I come! Maybe you now have your own place! It’s just you, and your man! Can you make breakfast naked? Can you eat cereal for dinner? Can you stagger your way into the house at an ungodly time? Yes, yes, yes and more yes’s!!!! Yes you can! But will you???? That’s a question only you can answer! It’s a funny thing imagining that some new space is now your home. There’s no parents, no pesky housemates that constantly leave dirty dishes in the sink, no one to answer to but yourself…..oh and your spouse!
Maybe you went straight from your parents’ home to your new home with your hubby. It’s only natural to get a little giddy that you no longer have to sneak back into the house and tell white lies about your time of arrival. Maybe you were living alone or with a housemate before moving in with bae. Whichever one it was, it’s exciting to think that you now have a new place and have become queen of that castle. The big girl panties feel great huh?!
As exciting as it may be being queen of your castle, change is change. Change sometimes comes with a little bit of anxiety. It could be anxiety over moving to a new location. It could be over trying to figure out how to convert the empty soccer field that is your house into a warm welcoming home. It could be making adjustments to the realities that sometimes you may find the toilet seat up more times than down. Before you slide into worry mode, it’s important to know that all these little changes can be overcome with a positive attitude and truckloads of patience and planning! In good time, your house will become the home you always imagined it would be, maybe even better!
New Financial Standing
Did it come true??? The dream where you are walking down Rodeo Drive or some long straight street in Paris where you have endless shopping bags from all the designer stores you have just visited, and swiped yours or your husbands black card without batting an eye?? Only you know the answer to that!
It is true that finances are very high up on the list of why married couples fight or even divorce. It is a bit of a minefield but it doesn’t have to be! When two become one, it’s not to say the one is evenly split. For whatever reason, it’s common to find that there is often one party that is earning more than the other. What this means is, what was yours is now ours. That means that your financial standing, power and capabilities may change. It’s important to navigate these murky waters beforehand in your pre-marriage counseling and to continuously discuss this with your spouse so you can find a process that works for you both. Some couples go neck deep into creating a joint bank account, some keep their separate accounts and create a joint account for the home. In some cases, couples do an even split on how to handle their finances. The bottom line is, find a process that works for your home and relationship.
New way of Dressing
I remember raising my eyebrows at the nightie my mum bought me, as being an appropriate night dress for wearing when at my in-laws house! I looked at it and wondered whether my 62 year old mother at that time, had walked into a shop and gotten a 2 for 1 special for the old school nightie she has just gleefully handed me?? Ladies, it was a long, PEACH cotton night dress, top buttoned with some silk lining and embroidered flowers. Saying I didn’t like it was out of the question, so I took it and politely said thank you. She was an African mum after all and the slightest hint of un-appreciation, would have been dealt with swiftly!
The dressing suggestions, did not end there. Having spent time with my mum in law who is the best mum in law a woman could ever ask for, I picked up a bit of resistance on her end when it came to my dressing. Being a short lady, with great legs (if I say so myself), I liked wearing short dresses and skirts. I don’t mean obscenely short, but short enough to grab attention. Sometimes, my MIL would constantly offer me a scarf to cover my legs when sitting down. It became a thing between us but it came to a natural end.
One day, I chose to wear a short lil number for family dinner my in-laws place. Ladies, I looked sizzling! It was all well and good till my mum in law asked me to do some cake cutting and serving to the rest of the family. This meant bending over the small table over and over again. I must have flashed the entire family involuntarily, before I gave in and decided to kneel next to the table, cut the cake, and delegate the serving to someone else. Short of the long story, that little embarrassing moment, taught me to dress appropriately when out and about, especially when visiting family and friends. For their sake and mine. Did I get rid of my short lil numbers, no! I now know to just unleash them at the appropriate time and place!
There are ways to express your individuality and personality when it comes to dressing without losing the sass! It is not uncommon for your spouse to become more conservative when it comes to how you dress than he was before. It is not to say that you have to change how you dress, it is to say, be mindful of the new dynamics and realities of your newly married status.
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